MY LIFE GROWING UP A GIRL: I HAD TO SAY YES

By Kyra Fox

When I was in preschool there was this boy in my class who used to always tease me. He would call me names, push me, and overall really hurt my feelings. One day I was so upset I decided to tell a teacher, in hopes that it would resolve the issue. I thought she might talk to the boy, and teach him that treating others with disrespect is wrong. But, she did not talk to the boy, Instead she told me the infamous saying “he is only being mean to you because he likes you.” This is when I first began to learn that girls and boys were treated differently. I was being taught that when boys hurt me, I have to just take it. I have to be flattered. My teacher would tell me, “the next time he calls you stupid or weird you should just say, ‘yes I am,’ it’ll drive him crazy.” This was the first time I was taught that I had to say yes. 

“Fill up space in a room with your words and your opinions, intimidate people with all the knowledge you attain, and force others to acknowledge you. Make yourself be heard. Because no matter what you do, people will still tend to label you as too much, so you might as well be too. fucking. powerful. ”

A couple of years later the boys in my class had a power rangers club. The rules were that anybody could join unless you were a girl. But, I loved the power rangers and I did not see why I could not join just because of my gender. I then again went to the teacher and he told me that I should just start my own club and not let boys participate. I took his advice and ended up starting a club that was actually really fun. My babysitter and I would build cool weapons out of cardboard, and the boys began to feel jealous. After seeing all our cool props and costumes, they asked if we could combine clubs. I told them that I didn’t want them to join, and they told the teacher. The teacher told me I should let them join because that’s what I wanted in the first place. I always thought that was kind of weird, because when I asked to join their club the teacher didn’t make them say yes. But, I had to say yes. 

Then in late middle school, the idea of nudes started to become popular. Nudes were mostly sent from girls to guys, and they were photos of their bodies. I remember a boy Snapchatted me asking for nudes. I did not feel comfortable sending them to him, so I kept politely declining. Yet, he persisted. As I kept saying no, he kept getting meaner and meaner. He started off by saying things like, “but I just want to admire you” and it slowly turned into “come on, stop being difficult.” Finally, he just removed me on Snapchat, and I remember feeling so worthless. I was so confused because I kind of liked him before this, and he just made me feel like I was nothing but a body to please him. This was another instance where to be liked, I had to say yes. 

Finally in high school, I constantly was put in situations where I either had to say yes or I would not be liked. In high school most boys now wanted to do more than just kiss you. And you either had to let them or you had to leave them. It sounds like an easy answer that if you don’t want to just leave. But, what if you really like the guy? You see sexual assault is not just between strangers, but also a lot of the time, with people you actually like. They’re not always a crazy man on the street, sometimes it’s that really funny sweet boy that gives you butterflies. And it’s true they can force you to do things you are not comfortable with and still be a genuinely sweet guy. In a way I cannot fully blame the different boys who used to pressure me in high school, because it is really a result of rape culture. Boys have always been taught to get their way and girls have been taught to let them. So I again was left feeling that to be liked, I had to say yes. 

This is the harsh reality of growing up as a girl. You are constantly being put in situations where you either say yes, or you become too difficult, which in our society, girls should never be. You are constantly being told who you are and what you’re worth. She’s too easy, she’s too high maintenance, she’s too smart, she’s too boring. Because in a society that tends to want to make you smaller, you will always be told you’re TOO much. So my advice is to be too much. Fill up space in a room with your words and your opinions, intimidate people with all the knowledge you attain, and force others to acknowledge you. Make yourself be heard. Because no matter what you do, people will still tend to label you as too much, so you might as well be too. fucking. powerful.